Remember that time Chinese spy balloons were the world’s biggest story? You’d be forgiven if not.

The story already feels decades old, but nope — that drama peaked in… February of this same year.

There’s plenty you may’ve blanked on from 2023, but that’s where we come in handy. Here are some of the year’s under-the-radar stories worth remembering:

• 7-Eleven had to pay $91m to an Illinois man struck by a car in front of one of its stores. It was a strange case made stranger when this shocking stat popped up in court: ~6.3k drivers crashed into 7-Eleven’s US storefronts over a ~15-year period. That’s about one per day.
• Energy drink brands achieved new chaotic heights — the next story down will fill you in on Monster’s quest to file trademark violations against everyone — but Prime, the drink fronted by influencers Logan Paul and KSI, was perhaps even more chaotic. It grew to $1.2B in sales, despite a federal probe into its potentially dangerous caffeine levels (~6x a can of Coca-Cola, BTW).
• Return-to-office propaganda heated up, with a UK office furniture supplier releasing Anna, an overblown 3D model showing what the “future of remote working” looks like. If only the imaginary hunchbacked, claw-handed, racoon-eyed sadsack had access to one of the supplier’s chairs, surely poor Anna’s depression, sallow skin, and swollen limbs would have been cured.

What else?

• Talking a big theme-park game: First, there was the proposed $100m+ park from YouTube stars Dude Perfect. Then, Mansion Entertainment Group announced a sprawling $2B “Americana-themed” park set for Oklahoma.
• Barnes & Noble wrote a new story: The bookstore rebounded from the brink to plot out ~30 new locations — by using the playbook of independent bookstores, which, amazingly, are also booming.
• Being uber-wealthy makes dreams come true: “South Park” creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker spent $40m+ reviving their fave childhood restaurant, while Google co-founder Sergey Brin funneled $250m+ into airships’ comeback (yeah, like the Hindenburg).

Finally: Let’s have a moment of silence for the stretch limo, which basically died this year, comprising less than 1% of all limo services.

Let’s look back at the year’s juiciest stories, with battles playing out in arenas of all kinds — boardrooms, courtrooms, and courts of public opinion.

… just not in cage matches. Please, anything but a cage match.

A Frank conversation

FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried faces 100+ years in prison for fraud, conspiracy, and money laundering, but 2023 saw yet another Forbes 30 Under 30 founder in hot water.

In January, JPMorgan Chase accused Charlie Javice, founder of college financial-aid platform Frank, of faking 4m+ customers to inflate its value when, in truth, she only had ~300k. What’s more: JPMorgan, which paid $175m for Frank in 2021, claimed Javice paid a data science professor $18k to create the bogus accounts for her.

Javice and former Frank exec Olivier Amar were charged with fraud, to which both pleaded not guilty. Javice — and her 77 attorneys — head to trial in 2024.

You knew this one had to make the list

OpenAI kicked up some serious drama when its board ousted CEO Sam Altman one Friday afternoon in November.

Some reports indicate the board may have been upset by a manipulative Altman pitting members against one another, especially those who wanted to move slower.

Days later, however, Altman returned with a new board consisting of Google Maps co-creator Bret Taylor, former Treasury secretary Larry Summers, and Quora co-founder and CEO Adam D’Angelo.

Exposing the cat-human hybrids

The Idaho National Laboratory (INL) suffered a data breach courtesy of SiegedSec, who describe themselves as a group of “gay furry hackers.” INL is one of the US’s largest nuclear labs, but the hackers demanded it pivot and work on creating cat-human hybrids — or, as they phrased it, “IRL catgirls” — if they wanted to protect the leaked data of thousands of employees and users.

Most have assumed SiegedSec was joking about the catgirl thing, but if anyone in the Idaho Falls area happens to see a catgirl, please call the History Channel so they can get to work on a docuseries.

Don’t even think of the word “monster”

Monster Energy has been on a yearslong rampage, filing a trademark objection against any other business that dares use the word “monster,” including an ice cream company, an adult diaper company, and a tool for removing shirt sleeves. The notorious “trademark troll” is largely ignored in Japan where it directs its ire at Pokemon (short for “pocket monsters”), but US companies often kowtow to its demands to avoid legal fees and hassle.

In April, Glowstick Entertainment CEO Vincent Livings fought back on behalf of his studio’s video game “Dark Deception: Monsters & Mortals.” In August, Livings posted to X that the US Patent and Trademark Office had ruled in his favor, dismissing Monster’s claim.

AI, the scandal maker that keeps giving

Several AI debacles occurred this year, from the guy who said his AI girlfriend encouraged him to assassinate the queen of England, to a Georgia radio host who sued OpenAI after ChatGPT fabricated legal claims against him.

Publications dabbled in AI-generated content to mixed results, but for Sports Illustrated and its apparently AI-generated product reviews, it was an embarrassing disaster — especially considering publications typically receive kickbacks when readers make purchases using affiliate links. Parent company The Arena Group ousted its CEO, Ross Levinsohn, in the wake of the scandal, but claimed the two incidents were unrelated.

From CEOs and founders to pop stars and robots — this year’s headliners kept us busy.

Some folks should take a vacation in 2024…

• Elon Musk: After renaming Twitter to X and killing the beloved blue bird, Musk somehow still found time to challenge Mark Zuckerberg to a cage fight, tell X advertisers to F off, and, oh yeah, run SpaceX and Tesla. It’s time for the drama king of the year to sit one out.
• Taylor Swift: This pop icon, who’s made headlines almost daily for the last 12 months, is due for some well-deserved rest. Swift became a billionaire in 2023, generated $4.3B for the US’s GDP with her Eras Tour, and was named Time’s person of the year.
• Mark Zuckerberg: A longtime media darling, 2023 was no different for how many times “Zuck” made it onto our newsfeeds. The Meta founder launched Threads, $300 smart glasses, and — right under the wire — is building a $270m+ compound in Hawaii with an underground bunker.

And we might grow tired of others by year’s end…

• Sam Altman: If you were online at all in November, then you know about OpenAI’s tumultuous fallout with its founder and CEO. Now, a year after ChatGPT’s release, Altman is again at the helm of the AI company and was named Time’s CEO of the year. If that’s not enough, his longevity startup, Retro Biosciences, means he might be in the news — and on Earth — for even longer.
• Adam Neumann: While Neumann’s first startup, WeWork, went bankrupt this year, his next company is already gaining traction. Flow, Neumann’s apartment startup, raised $350m from a16z back in 2022; this year, it completed its first building. Our crystal ball says we’ll be hearing more about this project in 2024.
• Kim Kardashian: Don’t get us wrong, we wrote all about the accomplishments of this reality TV star turned business whiz. But with so many ventures, it means Kim K is constantly in the news. This year, Kardashian’s brand Skims hit a $4B valuation and she launched SKKY Partners, a private equity firm.

But some we really hope to hear more from…

• ZEOs: Back in September, we wrote about Gen Z advisory boards. But we’ve written about Gen Z ~100x as the leaders of almost every new trend, from changing dairy preferences to new career paths, and we can’t wait to see what these crazy kids do next.
• Our robot overlords: Artificial intelligence reigned supreme in 2023, but the technological advances are just getting started. We’re looking forward to hearing from AI in the form of generative chatbots, robot staff, robotaxis, and whatever innovations are to come. (Yes, we are sucking up just in case sentience is on the 2024 docket.)
• Unhinged mascots: We wrote about how Duolingo struck gold on social with its sassy mascot, Duo, and when McDonald’s murderous Grimace became an online sensation. Here’s hoping that more brands take note of the trend and offer up more zany, oddball characters in the new year.